Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
Cashier: Are you 18?
Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.

nosdrinker:

everyone who likes coconut water is lying

exemplarybehaviour:

yesterday i went to buy something and the store owner looked up and said something to me in chinese and i was so surprised i just said “what” in english and then we stared at each for a full ten seconds like what the fuck we are in spain 

jeremymcbitchin:

Imagine having braces during the apocalypse. no one can take your braces off. And you just have to accept that you’ll have braces forever.

pleasantandcain:

the-name-of-stone:

twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck:

cell-mate:

crackerhell:

ethanwearsprada:

i think it’s a universal truth that everyone in our generation takes pluto’s losing its planetary status as a personal offense

yes

pluto is smaller than russia. why did we ever even consider it a planet?

BECAUSE IT’S A PART OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM

OHANA MEANS FAMILY

FAMILY MEANS NO ONE IS LEFT BEHIND

OR FORGOTTEN.


OR REVOKED OF PLANETARY STATUS.

disgustinghuman:

Oh my god

disgustinghuman:

Oh my god

dogtit:

LAUGHS BECAUSE CHARIZARD IS 5’7 AND SAMUS ARAN IS 6’3

joeytrentacosta:

Guys! I found the eggs!!! But it’s like my mom didn’t even try this year

joeytrentacosta:

Guys! I found the eggs!!! But it’s like my mom didn’t even try this year

accioguitardis:

cyberunfamous:

trillow:

how much do islands cost i want one

Less than a college education

image

what the fuck